Flagstaff AZ, 2006
Our waitress is scratching her meth-scabs as she stands before us, taking our order. She’s whipped into an emotional tizzy– most likely because she’s just dropped a whole bus tub of soiled dishes on the floor and it’s probably not the first time this week. Yeah, we ourselves are road-weary from the mostly-congested drive up the congested Oak Creek Canyon– and even more weary from the wedding reception we attended the night before. But yeah, this lady is on edge. Communication is, um, a chore. Immediately after taking our order, she heads over to the next table and manages to knock a whole glass of ice water into some grandma’s lap. Whoops.

Later, some random teenage gang members threatened to stab my girlfriend in the bathroom.

Palatine IL, 2002
Some friends and I are in town for a show at the Empty Bottle, and have a place to crash at out in the ‘burbs. We stop at Denny’s sometime just after the bars let out, and since we’re in the suburbs, it’s a little wild. But everyone’s holding it together, for the most part– save for a late-20s couple in formalwear. They sit down at an adjacent booth, order, and proceed to eat sans silverware. The lady is scooping scrambled eggs into her mouth by the fistful, and we’re doing all we can to avoid staring. But it’s not like their totally wasted asses would have noticed. While boyfriend attempts to find the bathroom and gets lost in the three-foot-deep coat check, the girl passes out in the booth. Minutes later, when a waitress shakes her, she sits up. Lodged in her perm is everything she’s dropped onto the seat below: eggs, sausage and a syrup-soaked breadcrust.